Perhaps the greatest misery of cold and flu season is the ability of the virus to attack just when it is least wanted. Its almost impressive - big date, loads of work on, family coming over and expecting to be fed? What could make such occasions better than a nose redder than Rudolf’s, a soaring temperature and skin the colour of mouldy yoghurt?
Being fairly irreligious, Christmas for me is one big exercise in vanity, as the prospect of meeting up with long-lost friends at a succession of parties sees me determined to stun them with my bouncy hair, glowing skin and killer heels. I plan this somewhat like a military campaign and have no doubt that my biggest enemy is that mild-mannered business man sneezing into my ear on the tube. I have developed a fine line in filthy, accusatory looks and have taken to trailing scarves in my wake whenever on public transport, as they are amazingly handy for use as impromptu face-shields. Granted, I look a little odd, but it will be worth it when I get through flu-free. I hope.
Turns out, my paranoia is justified. It has now been shown that Brits over their lifetime will spend an impressive three years and fifteen days reaching for the Beechams. Over one year, we will suffer from three colds, each lasting five days, and one bout of influenza. All told, that makes three weeks every year feeling rough. Its also bad for the economy, as 44% percent of us take time off work with a cold and 71% will stay home with flu. The research, done by antiseptic-spray manafacturers Dettol, unfortunately also showed that while the majority of workers feel resentful when their colleagues take time of work with a cold, they also get annoyed by their constant sniffling when they do come in.
For those of you who also intend only to be feeling sick as a result of too much champagne and mince pies, the best way to stay flu-free is to be manic about washing your hands and wipe the surfaces in your home and work down as much as possible. Treat everyone with beady-eyed suspicion, as the flu virus is contagious a day before symptoms start to appear. Finally, don’t be embarrassed to hide the entire lower part of your face with whatever materials are handy - scarves, jumpers, balaclavas…And remember, if people give you funny looks they are doubtless just jealous that you are both warm and have an attractive, personalised version of the white doctor’s mask.