Think of swine flu and you might think runny nose, cough, the horrors of a temperature. If you’re riddled with flu then social etiquette is probably not too high on your agenda – but for the posh people at Debretts, social etiquette should always be on the agenda.
So to help navigate our tricky Christmas social calendars in the best of health, the social mores rulebook has usefully provided guidelines on how to get through the potential minefield that is mistletoe swine-flu free.
For those planning tongue sandwiches at the office party this year its bad news, as apparently kissing on the lips is off the menu. Equally, there should be no wandering hands and it’s not the done thing to ‘leave a saliva trace’. Nonetheless, Ab-Fab style air kissers should also beware, as the practice is forbidden, along with making loud ‘mwah’ noises to up the authenticity.
The polite way to do it is apparently to briefly touch your cheek to the other person’s. Raunchy. Even if you are repulsed by your kisser, you should still allow them to make their move, but only if neither party are masticating some devils on horseback at the time. Drunks are also advised to avoid the mistletoe as their ‘social skills might be impaired’.
Debrett’s social etiquette advisor Jo Bryant said the cheek-bump was a far more hygienic way of greeting, as it has been medically proven to allow fewer germs to be passed on. Hands contain thousands of germs whereas cheeks are less contaminated.
She added that as people are more aware of the spread of germs this year, there is a set of manners relating to hygiene and health. Those feeling unwell should stay at home while those instigating the snog should ask first and then avoid overly close contact during the kiss itself.
Hmm. Swine flu is definitely to be avoided, but any sensible person goes to a Christmas party with the clear intention of imparing their social skills and then entwining tongues with some equally inebriated party flotsam under a bit of twig. I would take it as a grave social slight were someone instead to try and bump cheeks with me and would probably storm off in a drunken hissyfit were this to happen.
Is that what you want, Debretts posh people?? A ruined Christmas for the nation? Is it???